Throughout my life so far, I have learned so many things. Sometimes, these lessons come from friends or trusted authority figures but recently I have been learning more and more about myself and I am finally starting to piece things together. For instance, I have learned that I am far too agreeable and don’t think for myself. I keep running into this when I need to make lasting decisions about my future. I give away my authority and power over myself because I don’t believe that I can make the right choice for my future. It’s debilitating, but I am at least aware that I am doing this to myself. I regularly have thoughts like, “Someone else who has their stuff together will point me where I need to go so I can help them on their path.” “It’s okay if I am not accomplishing my goals if I can help someone else achieve theirs.” “I don’t need to accomplish anything, I am fine just biding my time.” But I have come to the realization that I am not okay with how I have been directing my life. I can see now that I have been agreeing to do things that I actually don’t want to do. While this is a great achievement for me to be aware of this issue, it sucks that it took me 30 years to realize that I too have needs and desires that I am not fulfilling. I am just happy in knowing that I still have time to set things right. I still have the power to make this life how I want to make it, I just have to put forth the effort where I want to make a change.
